Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize