shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
