I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
