the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm way too hungover for life right now
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
im on a boat
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