Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You're my little dorito
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
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he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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