Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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