i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment