Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.