i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse