I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.