...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
50% drunk capacity currently
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.