I must be too annoying 4 u.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
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His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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