mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
