they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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