So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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