The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.