i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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