bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying