On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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