i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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