My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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