You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we have officially lost it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
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In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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