she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize