and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize