I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize