I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse