i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.