I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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