I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
