I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
