my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day