Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand