I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home