Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.