somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As shirtless as possible
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.