it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,