this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
