Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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