Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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