Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
