Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
