All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
