Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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