im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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