that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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