I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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