She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh god it's open bar.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize