So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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