quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day