Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
