I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Will you blow on my dice?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
