Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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