I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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