We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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