So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
