Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
