sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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