Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
