she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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