I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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