College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Actions speak louder than pants.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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