i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize