Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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