Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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